What does any of this have to do with us?

The Record's abandoned headquarters at 150 River St. in Hackensack, above, and the adjacent U.S.S. Ling and naval museum, below, seemed to be in a state of suspended animation on Saturday afternoon.

 

If you've looked at today's edition of The Record and wondered what most of the stories and columns have to do with you, you're in good company.

On Page 1, only a stand-alone photo about an Easter Vigil in Teaneck is related to life in North Jersey.

Most of the front page is covered by more on sand dunes at the shore -- the third day in a row the controversy has appeared in the Woodland Park daily. 

And then there is a story about some moron with a Yankees shrine.

Driving school

On the front of Local, in his first Road Warrior column in a week, Staff Writer John Cichowski reminds readers of driving fundamentals they learned decades ago.

Cichowski's first suggestion is to keep both hands on the steering wheel, thwarting the impulse to masturbate as a way of killing time when caught in North Jersey's massive traffic jams.

Thin Local section

The entire Local-news section today offers only nine -- count them -- nine stories, columns or stand-alone photos to readers in the 90 or so towns in the circulation area.

Business of food

The Business section's coverage of food and restaurants has trumped Better Living for years.

Today, Your Money's Worth Columnist Kevin DeMarrais reports on misleading food-package labels (B-1).

However, DeMarrais still hasn't acknowledged the popularity of organic food and naturally raised meat and poultry in his monthly Market Basket survey of supermarket prices.

And many readers may just shrug at today's column, which is filled with products they never buy.

Readers squawk

Readers also are yawning at the latest Mike Kelly column on the front of Opinion (O-1).

Who cares about a woman who spends $350 a week on the Powerball lottery -- especially after all of the coverage of the Powerball and the Passaic city winner last week?

Enough, already.

Put readers first

Instead of reporting on restaurant goers and their unending quest for good food at reasonable prices, Better Living continues to bow down to restaurant owners and their business problems (BL-1).

Even Real Estate has a shore story today, about North Jersey couples hoping to have repairs on their vacation homes finished by summer.

Sadly, most people in North Jersey can't afford to own vacation homes at the shore.

Now, I'd love to read a story that tried to explain why that is.