By VICTOR E. SASSON
Does Husni Mubarak run an Egyptian grocery store in Paterson's Middle Eastern bazaar?
If not, what is his photo doing on the front page of a North Jersey daily newspaper?
Friction between President Obama and the Defense Department (A-1)?
How does that explain why my taxes are so high in Hackensack, where hundreds of millions of dollars in property owned by non-profits generates nothing.
Even the seemingly local story on an "immigrant" involves a school in Lahore, Pakistan, and a wealthy supporter of Governor Christie's (A-1).
Welcome to the Sunday suburban edition of The New York Times, where onetime cub reporter Marty Gottlieb made his mark before returning to The Record as editor nearly three years ago.
Chief word pusher
At first glance, Mike Kelly's Page 1 piece today appears to promise a strong opinion on Christie's bluster and nasty behavior when confronted by critics -- the kind of opinion readers seek from a columnist (A-1).
But readers are disappointed, and many are wondering why this column is displayed so prominently, if it's nothing more than the usual he said/she said any reporter could assemble.
Today's column goes a long way toward explaining why Kelly has spent more than 20 years merely pushing words around.
He could have said the GOP bully's "Jersey style" and channeling Tony Soprano are two big negatives the Garden State tries to live down, not promote.
Kelly could have said Christie is far from presidential, and his attacks on Democrats and liberal use of vetoes give a lie to his claim of being a compromiser.
Readers find a second Kelly column, this one on "the lessons" of Ferguson, that seems to be the reporter's subtle way of promoting a book he wrote on the shooting of a black teenager by a white Teaneck police officer "more than two decades ago" (O-1).
But this column is poorly edited, and I can't find the actual date on which then-Police Officer Gary S. Spath shot Phillip Pannell, or whether Spath was tried on a charge of reckless manslaughter mentioned in a photo caption.
Also, you'd expect Kelly to say little progress has been made on holding white police officers accountable for using lethal force against black teenagers.
But, again, he's just pushing words around, this time on the front of the Opinion section.
The Local front today devotes more space to Snooki's wedding than to demonstrations seeking justice in Ferguson (L-1).
There is also a really boring Road Warrior column on blocked intersections in Little Ferry that are easily avoid by using Grand Avenue to reach Ridgefield (L-1).
You won't find any stories about Hackensack, Teaneck or Englewood.
A house fire that killed two cats in Ridgewood has more information in it than did a photo caption on Jennifer Pechko, 43, a Kinnelon woman killed in a two-car accident on Thanksgiving (L-3).