Editors Deirdre Sykes and Tim Nostrand of The Record are both obese, but they have nothing to worry about -- compared to Robert Sulitzer, who is suing a Carlstadt company, claiming it fired him "because of his weight" (L-6).
Sykes and Nostrand have kept their jobs as local editors despite their weight-related laziness and the terrible job they have been doing for readers in Hackensack and many other towns.
If it wasn't for Law & Order news or stories from The Star-Ledger, like the one about Sulitzer, there would have been big holes to fill on the local news pages today and Thursday.
At what other newspaper would today's blown-up photo and long Star-Ledger story about Greystone Park Psychiatric Hospital in Parsippany be presented as "local news" (L-3)?
Editor Marty Gottlieb took over the Woodland Park newsroom 14 months ago, but never cleaned house or cut the fat.
He fired cartoonist Jimmy Margulies to trim expenses, though his prize-winning work continues to appear on Sundays.
With his world view and sports obsession, Gottlieb has proven to a bigger enemy to Bergen County readers than Sykes and Nostrand, if you can imagine that.
Beside presiding over an unprecedented decline in local news, Sykes and Nostrand have blocked any newsroom projects on the obesity epidemic, and have left questions about Governor Christie's weight to the national media or TV comedians and satirists.
With North Jersey Media Group devoting three-quarters of every dollar to First Amendment cases and other litigation, The Record's health plan doesn't have the funds to cover bariatric surgery for for the elephant-like editors.
Giving us a break
Readers may be getting a break from all of the over-written, inaccurate columns from Staff Writer John Cichowski, who took over as the Road Warrior in September 2003.
Cichowski's usual Friday column didn't appear today, and his Wednesday column also was missing.
That suggests he may have been cut back to one day a week -- Sunday -- instead of three.
Cichowski's March 20 column about overhead message signs was one of his flawed efforts, according to a concerned reader, who sent another e-mail to management:
"It is bad enough that readers have to repeatedly endure flagrant mistaken reporting and unsubstantiated bad advice, but when the Road Warrior tries to whip up fantasy conspiracies -- as he did in his March 20 column about fictitious speed traps based on message signs that report traffic times -- he does a disservice to The Record and its readers.
"Concerned readers and flabbergasted state officials have to restrain themselves when responding to the Road Warrior's unnecessary investigation into an unsubstantiated "devilish conspiracy," "sinister meaning" and secret agenda to "generate revenue" through these traffic message signs.
"As always, in order to dedicate an entire column to junk conspiracy theories, the Road Warrior has to make up his own delusional theories or statements to try and give all of these theories some questionable credibility.
Sadly, the Road Warrior has repeatedly raised these false conspiracies without any substantiated facts or acknowledgements from traffic officials or police about New Jersey using E-ZPass or traffic message signs to generate revenues from speeding tickets."
See the full e-mail on the Facebook page for Road Warrior Bloopers:
Readers hoping to avoid harmful animal antibiotics and growth hormones will have to read between the lines of today's restaurant review in Better Living -- Fink's BBQ in Dumont (BL-14).
Free-lancer Bob Probert throws around the word "quality," but doesn't back it up with any information about the beef, pork and chicken served there.
You can assume the worst. And, if you go, order the shrimp.