Masturbatory journalism

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Don't read  Ian O'Connor's "fond farewell" on Page S-5 today right after you've eaten. Sure, it's only five paragraphs by the sports columnist who is leaving The Record of Woodland Park for ESPN-New York.com. But can't you just hear the violins in the background as he lavishes praise on Editor Frank Scandale and the Borgs.

Listen to this: The Borgs, Mac and Stephen, "represent one of the truly great newspaper families in America," O'Connor writes. I'm running for the bathroom.You can just imagine the inflated salary the Borgs paid this brown-nosed turkey, who I read maybe once in the 39 months he worked at the former Hackensack daily.

Underneath O'Connor's masturbatory prose, the paper ran an ad congratulating him on his new job and wishing him good luck. Many of us are saying, Good riddance. O'Connor also tells us he was a delivery boy for The Record. 

That reminds me that Glenn Ritt, a former editor, also delivered The Record as a boy. As an editor, he slaughtered the English language in memos posted on the bulletin board or in messages he sent out to the staff. Delivering the paper doesn't guarantee you'll become a great -- or even a good -- journalist.

The rest of today's paper is as dull as dishwater. The main element on Page 1 is about towns that are hoping to get colleges and universities to pay for municipal services, but  there is no mention that part of the Fairleigh Dickinson University campus is in Hackensack.

On Wednesday, Local carried a story about a Leonia teen who cooked up the idea of documenting a day in the life of her community with photos. Today, the front of Local carries a second story telling us she and others did just that. Wow. I thought it was a goof, a bluff -- that no way would she actually follow through. Thanks goes out to Staff Writer Giovanna Fabiano for her dogged pursuit of this important milestone.

Uh, Fabiano, when is the last time you had an Englewood story in the paper (besides the bomb scare that wasn't)? It's almost a month, isn't it? There are six court or crime stories in Local, but the blackout on Hackensack news continues.