What's wrong with this picture?

The Record's Jersey shore coverage -- usually one Memorial Day and one Labor Day story -- doesn't appeal to older readers, who have had their fill of skin cancer.

If you're an older reader, the front page of The Record will leave you cold today -- dominated as it is with major stories on the family oriented Jersey shore and "a quiet makeover" at K-12 public schools.

But readers of all ages are wondering why two photos of incoming freshman at Northern Valley Regional High School in Old Tappan show girls violating the dress code -- this at orientation.

Are those two photos even appropriate to illustrate a story on improving math and language-arts skills  (A-1 and A-8)? 

What was the news copy editor thinking when he or she wrote the photo captions? Where was Production Editor Liz Houlton or the head of the photo?

Shore enough

The editors today deliver the obligatory, annual Labor Day story on how the shore economy is doing.

But this sun-splashed report and all of the previous stories fail to discuss just how expensive it is to own a home or even stay there for a week or two -- thanks to greedy property owners and real estate agents.

The value of shore homes didn't take a hit in the recession, unlike property in North Jersey, and you'd have to be as rich as the Borgs to afford a summer place there. 

Another thin edition

There isn't much else in today's Labor Day edition of the Woodland Park daily:

Editorial Page Editor Alfred P. Doblin pulls out every Hollywood and non-Hollywood cliche in his column on Clint Eastwood's shameless performance last week at the Republican National Convention (A-11).

On the front of the Local news section, Mike Kelly loads his column on soil contamination with question upon question, and fails as usual to provide any answers or even any strong opinions about polluters (L-1).

On the front of Better Living, a story on two Bergen County chefs competing in the "Hell's Kitchen" finale on Fox TV doesn't explain why Bergen readers should care who wins (BL-1).

Restaurant Reviewer Elisa Ung should stop wasting her time writing breathless accounts about celebrity chefs, and spend more time helping readers find a decent place to eat in North Jersey's own hell's kitchen.

Also on the Better Living front, a story on the health benefits of potatoes lays an egg: why is there no mention of the incredible sweet potato? 

Related article

• An ugly speech from a truly ugly man

'The Old Man and the Seat'

Actor Clint Eastwood lecturing an invisible President Obama at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Fla., on Thursday night. ( Getty Images via @daylife)

An editorial in The Record today refers to actor and director Clint Eastwood, whose bizarre performance at the Republican National Convention almost made Democrats forget all of the lies from Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan.

But Eastwood got only a one-paragraph mention in The Record's convention coverage on Friday (A-6), the night after he stared at, questioned and reacted to an empty chair holding an invisible President Obama. 

"The Daily Show" referred to Eastwood's unscripted appearance as "The Old Man and the Seat."

A different Eastwood

I must be the only one who remembers Eastwood's inspirational Super Bowl commercial for Chrysler -- which appeared to rally a recession-crippled America behind the Obama administration's recovery program.

In "It's Halftime in America," Eastwood acknowledges "division, discord and blame" -- an apparent reference to the divisive partisan rhetoric that paralyzes Congress.

"Now," he says, "Motor City is fighting again.... Detroit is showing us it can be done."

More GOP lies

Of course, Eastwood didn't mention then -- and Romney and Ryan don't give credit now -- for the Obama administration's bailout of Chrysler and General Motors, and the hundreds of thousands of jobs saved by that move.

Nor do the Republicans ever mention stimulus programs that have put tens of thousands back to work repairing the nation's infrastructure, including bridges, roads and highways.

In a pointed reference to Romney's promise to put people back to work, today's editorial reminds readers, "Government doesn't create jobs, the private sector does" (O-2).

But government action -- such as the bailout of two of the Big Three -- can save jobs, as it did in Detroit.

Here's is a link to the Super Bowl commercial:

It's Halftime in America

Page 1 snorefest

One look at today's front page can put you to sleep.

If Hackensack residents wonder why coverage of their city is so poor, they'll find the answer in the main element on Page 1 about an abortion doctor who now lives in Florida, recounting events dating to 1972 in Englewood Cliffs.

The story, by Hackensack reporter Stephanie Akin, must be another special commissioned by head Assignment Editor Deirdre Sykes or her clueless deputy, Dan Sforza.

Local snorefest 

On the front of the Local news section, readers find more illuminating coverage of rising gasoline prices, with the obligatory bitching from drivers who claim they're forced to cut back in other areas (L-1).

Of course, there's no mention that the best antidote to gas-pump sticker shock is trading in your gas-guzzling car or SUV for a more fuel-efficient vehicle and using a credit card that gives you a 4% rebate -- or more than 14 cents off on a $3.69 gallon of regular.

If you drive a hybrid, you can get around 50 mpg, plus a Green E-ZPass, which gives you discounts on Hudson River tolls, as well as those on the turnpike and parkway.

At the Hudson River, Green Pass holders are charged $4 off-peak vs. $7.50 for other E-ZPass drivers.

Also on L-1 today, Road Warrior John Cichowski finds another way to write a so-called commuting column without leaving the office.

From politics to stupid human tricks

An assault-rifle ban will never happen until the children of National Rifle Association leaders die in random shootings  (Wikipedia)

After more than a week straight of covering divisive Republican politics at the GOP's quadrennial laughfest, the editors of The Record focus today on stupid human tricks.

Only two Page 1 items stir much interest:

The ex-Marine who killed two co-workers at an Old Bridge supermarket and the unintentional suicide of a teenager, who left his brains smeared on a Fort Lee overpass.

The supermarket carnage only remind readers they'll never see any meaningful gun control until members of the National Rifle Association or the politicians who take its blood money lose children in a random shooting.

Stupid humans

The front of Local is dominated by a report on a 16-year-old boy who stuck his head out of the roof hatch on a double-decker party bus and was fatally injured when he hit an overpass on the New Jersey side of the George Washington Bridge (L-1).

The story notes the bus has "a hatch in its roof in case it tips over," but fails to say it is an escape hatch for passengers when other exits are blocked after an accident.

Lawyers reading the story are no doubt salivating over the millions they hope to recover from a wrongful death suit. 

Plantation news

The front of Local today continues to report on more layoffs in the largely minority Englewood school system -- an ongoing story since at least July -- at the hands of largely white overseers (L-1).

Another stupid human fell off a ladder at Ridgewood High School (L-2).

Head Assignment Editor Deirdre Sykes ordered the use of two photos of the overweight maintenance worker, and directed they be blown up as much as possible, because she had no other legitimate news for the section -- from Hackensack or anywhere else. 

A collision of two cars in Paramus -- with one of the drivers possibly breaking a leg -- also merited a story and photo on L-3 today.

Cracked sidewalks

On the same page, don't miss the scintillating account of sidewalk repairs and "dismantled trees" in Hasbrouck Heights (L-3).

Did anyone read Friday's front or did they obey the command of the lead headline from the Republican National Convention: 'Time to turn the page'?

Saturday's lead editorial on A-11 takes a hard look at Mitt Romney's job-growth promises and notes a continued lack of details -- the kind of honest assessment the Woodland Park daily rarely does for Governor Christie's partisan B.S. 

On the front of Friday's Local section, Road Warrior John Cichowski -- the so-called commuting columnist -- continues to cover obscure and irrelevant issues (L-1).

Don't eat here

In Friday's Better Living tab, you know the food at Mykonos Restaurant can't be very good when Restaurant Reviewer Elisa Ung wastes the first third of her appraisal discussing the owner's background. 

Her lukewarm 2-star rating instantly tells readers the North Arlington restaurant isn't worth the detour (BL-16 and 17).

Repeated front page elicits big yawns

When is The Record going to give readers news they can use, such as how much cheaper it is to drive the Garden State Parkway than the truck-choked New Jersey Turnpike?

Readers are doing a double-take at the front page of The Record today -- a virtual repeat of Wednesday's -- and trying to stifle loud yawns.

Page 1 brings continued coverage of the divisive rhetoric at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Fla.; more about Governor Christie and a follow up on alleged fakery by Jay Alpert, a Christie crony at the high-flying Port Authority.

Is this the best Editor Marty Gottlieb can do?

Christie's embarrassing failure to lose weight has its parallel in his inability to cut the fat at the bistate transportation agency or control its outrageous toll and fare hikes.

Ruling class

The lead headline about "time to act running out" is correct in one sense: 

You'd better send your donation to President Obama's campaign and make time to vote on Election Day, if you want to thwart another attempt by the white ruling class to take over the White House. 

I caught a few minutes of convention coverage on Wednesday night -- in between watching the playback of a stock-car race in Bristol, Tenn., and "Royal Pains" -- and saw only one black and possibly one Latino face in the audience.

Lord Borg

Another member of the white ruling class is on the front of Local -- Chairman Malcolm A. "Mac" Borg.

That photo of a rotund Borg and a second photo of two overweight footballs fans, drinking beer, set a great example for readers who are trying to eat healthy and lose weight.

But if you've ever seen head Assignment Editor Deirdre Sykes and her tent dresses, you're not surprised. 

Local crash news

It must have been a rough day in the newsroom finding local news on Wednesday, judging by the filler, gee-whiz photo of an overturned car on L-2.

The big Hackensack news today is the indictment of a city resident -- apparently the only thing that happened at one of the busiest courthouses in the state (L-3).

Another L-3 story comparing traffic on the New Jersey Turnpike and Garden State Parkway fails to note it is far cheaper to drive an equivalent distance on the parkway than on the turnpike, and far more pleasant.

Warm up those E-ZPasses.

'Hurricane Chris' is full of hot air

This glass-repair company's motto reminds local readers of how editors of The Record treat them: They consider readers' "stand points," then reject them wholesale.

It doesn't look like the city of Tampa, Fla., has anything to worry about from Tropical Storm Isaac, but it should be on guard against all the hot air coming from Governor Christie.

Just imagine how our obese governor is sweating bullets going to and from appearances in connection with the Republican National Convention.

Talk about "the elephant in the room."

The Record's fawning editors are knocking themselves out to stay on his good side.

They continue to prostitute themselves with four straight days of front-page coverage, culminating in today's Page 1 story and column on Christie's keynote speech tonight.

No Jersey impact

This, after all, is a speech that has no impact on New Jersey and its residents. 

It's just divisive politics, the same kind of rhetoric that has paralyzed Congress, but the bored media can't get enough.

Bad journalism

I've been looking over the five editions since Friday, and can't find anything worthy of note. This is as bad as local journalism gets.

Today, Hackensack residents see really bad news -- a new date for the sentencing of their disgraced police chief, Ken Zisa (L-3). 

Hard to imagine Superior Court Judge Joseph S. Conte didn't realize he had "conflicts" in his schedule until Monday. 

He put off Thursday's hearing until Sept. 20. Let's hope that's the last delay, and that he remands Zisa rather than allowing him to remain free pending his appeal.

More on Zisaville

The Zisa coverage has been so intense there have been no stories  about anything else in Hackensack -- not even such basics as the budget, tax rate and so forth.

Head Assignment Editor Deirdre Sykes and her deputy, Dan Sforza, were so desperate to fill today's Local news section they had to resort to three non-fatal accident photos.

Desperate columnists

On Monday, Mike Kelly was so desperate for a column he wrote about stuff Zisa did in 2008 (L-1).

On Sunday, Road Warrior John Cichowski was so desperate for a column he wrote about people who bicycle across the George Washington Bridge (L-1).

Restaurant Reviewer Elisa Ung also was desperate for a Sunday column (BL-1).

She wrote about a New York organic bread bakery whose products are available in only a handful of supermarkets in North Jersey.

If the stuff is so good, why isn't any of it served in North Jersey restaurants?

Long live Mayor Cerbo

On Saturday's L-6 , an obituary of former Hackensack Mayor Fred Cerbo failed to mention one of his strongest assets is that his last name wasn't "Zisa."

Editor Marty Gottlieb must have been scraping the bottom of the barrel by leading Friday's paper with a rehash of Zisa's ex-wife seeking half of his $11,000 monthly pension.

The same, exact story ran a week earlier in the Local section (Aug. 17).

The only thing notable about Friday's story is that Staff Writer Karen Sudol actually interviewed seemingly ordinary residents about the issue, rather than quoting the usual gadflies and longtime city critics. 

Tomorrow: Who Marty should fire