By VICTOR E. SASSON
Readers in search of local news come up short once again today as The Record publishes the blow by blow from the debate among the seven horse's asses seeking the GOP nod to run for president.
Never mind that most of them, including Governor Christie, would start World War III.
Even though New Jersey's own GOP bully can't possibly win the nomination, Editor Martin Gottlieb sent Columnist Charles Stile, the paper's chief Christie apologist, to cover the debate in South Carolina (A-1).
The thousands of dollars wasted on that trip surely angers hard-working employees in the Woodland Park newsroom who haven't seen a raise in years.
There is local news on A-1 today in the form of an obituary for Fair Lawn's Dave Sime, an Olympic silver medalist and eye surgeon who died at 79.
But in the section devoted to local news, Assignment Editors Deirdre Sykes and Dan Sforza offer Hackensack readers a couple of adorable puppies instead of any reporting on their city (L-1).
The only local story on the front is from Secaucus, and readers won't find much municipal news inside the section, either.
On L-3, can today's story on the Christmas Day hit-run pedestrian death in Teaneck be the first to report the driver had a green light and the victim was jaywalking?
That would be in keeping with the supremely lazy Sykes and Sforza taking a full two days to report the surrender of the driver, a township man.
Their desperation to fill the section can be seen in the long wire-service obituary of English actor Alan Rickman (L-6), whose death should probably be reported in the A-section along with other international news.
In Better Living, readers will find high praise for a restaurant chef whose best dishes include beef with an artery clogging blue cheese, butter and egg yolk sauce; ice-cream sandwiches, goat cheese-stuffed artichokes, and a fish with more harmful mercury than many others (BL-12).
In addition to checking with their doctors, anyone wishing to follow restaurant critic Elisa Ung's advice, should check their gas tank and E-ZPass balance, because you'll be driving to Ariane Kitchen & Bar in Verona, Essex County.
Ung's twin obsessions with meat and dessert are well-served here, but she doesn't mention whether you'd be getting grass-fed beef or the low-quality stuff raised on antibiotics and growth hormones.