Do readers have all the time in the world?

A week after a fatal crash, The Record presents the full story.

The Sunday edition of The Record is perfect -- if you have nothing better to to do than read long, winding stories in excruciating detail.

It took the editors nearly a full week to determine the relationship of a passenger to the driver in a road-rage accident on the Garden State Parkway last Sunday.

And you'll need almost that much time to digest the front-page story, which goes on and on under the big, black headline: 

LIVES COLLIDE

Head Assignment Editor Deirdre Sykes or her deputy, Dan Sforza, assigned Staff Writer Shawn Boburg to churn out the pathos, forcing him to neglect his Port Authority beat.

At the bottom of Page 1, readers learn about a major rock slide on the Palisades that occurred on May 12 -- nearly 2 months ago -- then have to plow through a geology lesson.

The lead A-1 story on flood insurance affects about 800 homeowners. Now, that's relevant news for the hundreds of thousands of readers.

Go shopping

Publisher Stephen A. Borg and the Advertising Department thought so much of Editor Marty Gottlieb's front page, it wrapped a Can Can Sale ad from ShopRite around part of A-1.

How many readers threw the paper aside and raced to their nearest ShopRite to take advantage of the first day of the sale?

One man was heard shouting, "It's time to stock up on Adirondack Seltzer!"  

Road worrier

Road Warrior John Cichowski continues to neglect his commuting column to bore readers with the hard-luck story of a 63-year-old Hackensack widow who never received her registration renewal in the mail (L-1).

OK. We're appalled. But what does this have to do with inadequate bus and train service, massive rush-hour traffic jams and exorbitant tolls? 

If you're looking for Hackensack news today, Cichowski's column is as close as you'll get.

Loving young people

Most of Sykes' Local front is dominated by another glowing story about a young person with autism. 

Where are the upbeat stories about old people who accomplish great things despite age and infirmity? Now, we read about them only after they die.

Another story on L-1 quotes Teaneck Deputy Mayor Adam Gussen without noting he is the Democratic candidate in the 5th Congressional District race.

Hating old people

On Friday, the Road Warrior column revisited the issue of older drivers and blind spots -- again without mentioning many new cars come with blind-spot warning systems (L-1).

Cichowski seems to have contempt for older drivers, referring to "arthritic groaning and neck cracking,"  and suggesting a driver who can't glance out "the passenger side window from time to time" consider taking a cab or a bus.

When is the last time he did his job by riding a local bus and reporting on the quality of service?