How does a paper get so boring?

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President Franklin D. Roosevelt signing the Social Security Act in August 1935.

You have to give the page designer an A for effort, but if you actually try to read the front page of The Record today, it will put you to sleep.

The main element is the debate over the federal budget -- a "battle," in newspaper parlance -- and the Woodland Park daily's package of headlines, text and photos is certainly attractive, but it all boils down to the Democrats say this and the Republicans say that.

If you think the Associated Press is a weak wire service, check out the story at the bottom of Page 1 from McClatchy Newspapers, quoting "disappointed budget experts."  

This slanted piece of trash actually tries to make a case for cutting three of the greatest government programs in existence: Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid.

Editor Francis Scandale will do anything to create conflict, and make readers feel anxious.

There's even more about the federal budget on the continuation page (A-6): pie charts, graphs, more photos, more text. Are you still awake?

The headline on the lead A-1 story today sounds like it's about the bloated Passaic Valley Sewerage Commissioners, the constipated officials who were on the front page several times recently as Governor Christie gave them an enema:

Agency

workers

awash 

in perks

But this story is about another agency, the Passaic Valley Water Commission, which also pays  bloated salaries and overtime. My eyes are getting heavy. Given all the exposure of the sewerage agency, a better headline would have been, "Another agency awash in perks."

The third main story on the front page tries to sum up seven hours of testimony before a Superior Court judge on state education funding, an issue that is before the Supreme Court again. Less than riveting.

About the only interesting thing on the Editorial Page is Margulies' cartoon of Christie: "My Way or The Highway," riffing on the battle over highway toll revenue.

Sleepy Hollow

On the front of head Assignment Editor Deirdre Sykes' Local section, Columnist Charles Stile rehashes how Christie has taken on the state Supreme Court. At least in this column, Stile identifies former Associate Justice John Wallace as the court's only African-American member.

Under Sykes, how well residents are informed about events in their towns is in direct proportion to the enterprise of the assignment editors and the legwork of the reporters who cover those towns.

So you have a dynamo like Staff Writer Denisa R. Superville, who has three stories in the section today -- two of them on the front -- and then you have slugs like Hackensack reporter Monsy Alvarado and Englewood reporter Giovanna Fabiano, who seems to be writing about everything but the city she is supposed to cover.

More misinformation?

Environmental reporting at The Record of Woodland Park should be recycled. Editors and reporters have ignored Hackensack's excellent program to accept such electronics as TVs and computers, and compact fluorescent bulbs containing mercury, and have written nothing about delays of two years or more facing homeowners who want to install solar panels.

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Now, Staff Writer James Yoo reports on the front of Local today that towns in Bergen and Passaic counties no longer accept household batteries for recycling. He quotes everyone but Hackensack officials. I wasn't able to reach Hackensack's recycling director, but the city employee who answered the phone said that as far as she knew, batteries still are accepted for recycling. So who is correct?

Hackensack, after all, is where The Record was founded in 1895 and were it prospered for more than 110 years. Now, the paper not only has moved printing and virtually all of its news staff out of River City, but it has turned its back on city's residents and most of their news, along with ignoring Teaneck and Englewood as much as possible. 

For weeks at a time, Hackensack reporter Monsy Alvarado is missing in inaction, and head Assignment Editor Deirdre "Laughs A Lot" Sykes seems not to notice or care. The Borg family? Just counting the money.

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It looks like Staff Writer Joseph Ax and Staff Photographer Tariq Zehawi have been pulled out of Haiti and in the process, the incompetent editors have demoted coverage of the humanitarian crisis. In the few days they were there, Haiti again was front-page news (coat of arms is shown).

Page 1 today is filled with hard news, including Staff Writer Michael Gartland's continuing revelations about financial abuses by Bergen County school district officials. The lead story says the Xanadu shopping and entertainment complex may open after all, despite all the attempts by The Record and Staff Writer John Brennan to write its obituary.

The major element on the front reports on the state's share of the proposed federal budget, including allowing tax cuts to expire for such wealthy people as Malcolm, Stephen and Jennifer Borg of North Jersey Media Group, publisher of The Record and Herald News. The top bracket would go to 39 percent from 35 percent. I doubt a 4% jump in taxes would crimp their lifestyle: a heady mix of mansions, vacation and city homes, a wine bar and more.

I laughed when I saw the main headline on the front of  Better Living:  "The high cost of free advertising," referring to complaints by a Ridgewood couple whose restaurant will be profiled on Chef Gordon Ramsay's "Kitchen Nightmares" reality program (photo).

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 Of course, there is absolutely no cost to restaurateurs for the lavish, uncritical coverage by The Record and Staff Writer Elisa Ung, who would make a good addition to the advertising staff. Recall her huge spread about Bobby Flay's hamburger restaurant in Paramus, her blow-by-blow reporting about the ups and downs of the South City Restaurant Group and her two-star review of Bahama Breeze, a mediocre chain restaurant on the highway in Wayne. Or how about her failure to investigate claims by the nail-biting Flay and other chefs intent on hiding the low quality of the beef they serve?


I am still waiting for a reality program called "Newsroom Nightmares," which would expose The Record and other newspapers for cutting staffs and benefits, and turning their backs on local news, while their owners continue to prosper.